Whether your a morning cig, the drunk smoker, or the occasional buy a pack because you are stressed about paying your bookie, smoking cigarettes are a necessity us millennials need to keep alive. When participating in acquiring cancer with your favorite dart, its important to do it in a lovely surrounding aesthetic.
The number one Cigarette spot to suck them down is easily the beach. Sitting in your beach chair with hoodie on consuming a nice beer or glass of wine lighting a Lindsay Lohan as the sun begins to set is the ultimate vibe. While the beach is the ultimate spot, the time is a major factor. Lighting a cigarette midday on a packed beach with kids and hot moms around is a sure fire way to label your self as white trash. But being the first one on the beach or catching that golden hour day is the perfect summer catch.
The next spot is another white person favorite, the golf course. The golf course dart is the ultimate pick me up. You just 3 putted after reaching the green in 2, light it up. You nutted a drive 270, light it the fuck up. Lighting up a smoke then setting it down in the fringe as you 60 wedge onto the green is why you play the game.
Lastly a great spot to light up the devils stick is the backyard of the house you grew up in. For some reason lighting one up here brings back memories and also extreme anxiety as you slowly realize your life is over.
Honorable Mentions: Casino floor, Post Sex minimum 3 rounds, Car Rides alone.
Tuesday, July 17, 2018
When should you tell someone they suck at a sport
I fluctuate between a 6 and 8 on looks daily, above average athlete with a great sensor of humor, and master chef on a grill. But even I know when I simply suck at something. Whether its celebrating another meaningless coed kickball homerun or trying to water ski at 30 years old, we all need to realize there are some things we just cant do as well as others and our friends should tell us.
For me it includes a friend who we will name Jeff in our weekly golf foursome. We usually get a full 18 holes as we all work sales jobs as the guys who never hit their numbers. Since it is Friday golf the scores are more relaxed but who doesn't like to win. We have been playing together for the past year and I have never seen Jeff break a 100. The rest of us are low 80 to mid 80s scores so you see why we rotate cart partners.
Is there a reasonable way to tell Jeff he sucks at golf. Like buddy you keep telling yourself to keep your head down will magically fix your 7 chips from 120 out. Its a moral dilemma as we all like the guy and he always has a new pack of 27's shorts but enough is enough.
So is it on Jeff to realize he is holding me back from shooting a 74 or do I have to Gretchen Weiner this fool.
For me it includes a friend who we will name Jeff in our weekly golf foursome. We usually get a full 18 holes as we all work sales jobs as the guys who never hit their numbers. Since it is Friday golf the scores are more relaxed but who doesn't like to win. We have been playing together for the past year and I have never seen Jeff break a 100. The rest of us are low 80 to mid 80s scores so you see why we rotate cart partners.
Is there a reasonable way to tell Jeff he sucks at golf. Like buddy you keep telling yourself to keep your head down will magically fix your 7 chips from 120 out. Its a moral dilemma as we all like the guy and he always has a new pack of 27's shorts but enough is enough.
So is it on Jeff to realize he is holding me back from shooting a 74 or do I have to Gretchen Weiner this fool.
I am now a smoothie guy and you all should be too.
The work week morning routine of checking twitter, showering and making a shitty pot of coffee as you prepare for another day on the cube farm is pretty much autopilot for your body. Hell, I don't even make a new pot of coffee everyday I just microwave whatever is left from Monday's brew. The most important lesson I learned from college is the importance of putting something in your stomach before leaving your house for the day. But recently this all changed, say no more to watery eggs queuing you up for the 9:30 am office dumper, Fam we have moved on to smoothies.
Making a smoothie is a simple pleasure distracting you from the fact that it is only Tuesday in your miserable life and that later tonight you will be sleeping alone watching youtube highlights of the 07 Red Sox. After throwing in your ingredients and pouring your smoothie its on to the most important part and reason why we are drinking smoothie's, shoving it down everyone's throat.
Strut your ass down the cubicle farm towards the break room with your amazon prime lunchbox holding your famous hand ripped romaine lettuce and leftover chicken cutlet but please make sure your protein shaker filled with your smoothie is out and about. Drinking a smoothie is putting out that vibe towards others that Yes I have my life together and you don't.
Making a smoothie is a simple pleasure distracting you from the fact that it is only Tuesday in your miserable life and that later tonight you will be sleeping alone watching youtube highlights of the 07 Red Sox. After throwing in your ingredients and pouring your smoothie its on to the most important part and reason why we are drinking smoothie's, shoving it down everyone's throat.
Strut your ass down the cubicle farm towards the break room with your amazon prime lunchbox holding your famous hand ripped romaine lettuce and leftover chicken cutlet but please make sure your protein shaker filled with your smoothie is out and about. Drinking a smoothie is putting out that vibe towards others that Yes I have my life together and you don't.
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