I want to do Girl Things

Being a dude is by far the best thing in the world. Seriously ask any girl while she is in the fetal position crushing sour patch watermelons on her period if she would trade lives to be a guy. From getting so much enjoyment in seeing our sports teams win a championship to sending our friends a snapchat of how big a shit you just took, being a guy is the best. Now dont get me wrong I am not going all Bruce Jenner but sometimes you gotta ask why cant guys do shit girls do.

1. Getting Nails Done

Nothing makes a girl happiest like getting a new neon yellow nail polish that makes the Oregon ducks uniforms look plain. I partly want to do this because I always am going full Tyson on my nails. Between scratching my balls and shoving popcorn in my face, my hands are always dirty so why not get them cleaned by some asian woman making fun of you the entire time, because that is the atmosphere I want. You always hear girls saying how rude the asian woman was or how hard she went on her poor little delicate fingers, well too dam bad because thats how it should be. I want the asian woman to be so disgusted with my finger nails that she has to reevaluate just how hard she will berate me while I sit there with a shit eating grin staring at the koi pond.                

        

2. Ordering weird shit at Starbucks. 

 The Starbucks in my town does not have a drive thru which besides being inconvenient also means I have to actually put on pants if I want coffee. Every once in a while I get stuck behind a woman who will order something that sounds like she read it out of a chip kelly playbook. As guys you cant have the barista yell "Mike your venti oreo crumble upside down frappacino perfectly chilled at 48 degrees is ready". Now dont get me wrong when I feel like dropping 8 bucks on a coffee even though I have a Kuerig, i go for that carmel macchiato. However ordering it is not even the worst part its the walk of shame you make past everyone else. So heres to one day that maybe I can order that pink iced tea and proudly put in on my snapstory. 

3. Rom Coms
Now obviously any movie or tv show you watch with your girl does not count against you but cant a guy enjoy an episode of friends once in a while. To admit that you may have flipped over to 10 things I hate about you so you can watch it again for the fourth time shouldn't be hated on.



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