The must get gas station snacks for road trips

                                      

Be it a long trip to a shore house with your college buddies or day trip with your significant other to a hike she found online because her friend posted an Instagram from the same spot last week that received 1,200 likes and now she has to get one too, car ride snacks are a must. Personally I do not prepare for shit, so when I find my first gas station about 45 minutes in, my eyes light up for the world of snacks I am about to unleash on. But honestly every gas station is the same and below are  must grabs for a enjoyable car ride snack.

1. Combos
The GOAT of gas station snacks. Seriously these things are amazing for snacking, easy to eat and tons of white girl flavors like buffalo/ blue cheese and cheese pizza. Crazy things about combo snacks are the exclusiveness of the car ride nostalgia. When is the last time you saw someone munching on Combos outside of a car? Never, these snacks are only sold at gas stations making it the number 1 go to snack.

2. Beef Jerky.
Play the goddam classics. Beef Jerky being on the list is almost as obvious as a game of thrones incest scene. Peppered Jacks Link or be it roadside jerky in a country town, beef jerky will fill your car up with a rancid smell but god does it feel good to chew on with your windows down and Tom Petty blasting on the radio.

3. Diet Coke
Soda or what we call the Mike Francesa, the diet coke. Usually on road trips your Nalgene water bottle is filled or you have a case of La Croixs stuffed in the trunk, but that crisp sound of cracking a diet coke and then letting out a deep caffeinated burp is what road trips are all about.

4. Scratch Offs
Gambling, it is what's for dinner. Loading up on crossword 3 dollar scratchies to crush while your girlfriend makes you stop at the 3rd rest stop so she can pee will help you ease your tension as you sit back scratching away while watching a family of Asians take pictures in front of a sign saying who the stupid rest stop is named after.

Honorable mentions; obviously tobacco chewing or cancer sticks, peanut m&ms, 7/11 taquitos if you have a bathroom nearby.

Now watch this video on why working at a gas station seems amazing.
Arguement

Why you need a go to bar

Living in a city comes with its perks; not finding any parking, homeless people begging for money and always seeing others that are much more attractive than your ugly mug. Besides those wonderful entices, having many options each night as your group chat lights up on Friday afternoon with plans of degenerate drinking with your happy hour crew as you slide into the weekend. Plans of meeting at a place that has a solid appetizer menu to get a base or meeting at stupid trendy rum spot that serves their drinks in Caribbean island glasses because Rachel needs her Instagram story to be lit after her breakup. One thing you and your close friends know, you will be ending up at your spot at least once this weekend.

Establishing a go to bar is a process similar to Nick Saban scouting a 7th grade defensive lineman, many factors weigh in. The strongest factor is clearly your bartender and the relationship you maintain. Whether it be a hot college girl who flirts with you for petty because she knows your sucker ass tips heavy, or maybe its the part time bartender who teaches during the day that talks spots betting with you and your buddies sliding free pbrs for giving him some action. Having your bartender serve your drink without even asking will impress any 6 you found off Hinge.

Location, Location, Location. Your go to bar needs to be within walking distance of your place. No Lyfts or Bird Scooters, by feet only. Having your favorite watering hole with in walking distance leads to the comfort feeling of knowing you have somewhere to go when its Friday but not pay day and you cant join your friends at the club that night.

Lastly is the type of bar and the environment it provides. No go to bar can be a themed or club atmosphere. No chain bullshit either ( Chili's margaritas do bang though). Dive bars can be fun however you may lose touch with society as you talk to a guy named Mickey who only slams rolling rocks and fernet as opposed to maybe wheeling a cute girl who had to may chardonnays. You want a place that is crowded on weekends as you dap up the bouncer never having to wait in line, but also when you show up on Wednesdays you can almost always find a seat at the bar.

Quesadillas Fuck

Recently while working from home in between conference calls, flipping back and forth between the golf channel and Stephen A Smith screaming about god knows what, I decided to actually make lunch and not walk to my corner bodega for yet again a pastrami on rye. On my counter was a bag of wraps clearly not closed correctly just hardening away wastefully, so my brain clicked to quesadillas. Transforming into muthafuckin Action Bronson I began cutting some leftover pork tenderloin, threw in some pub cheese, jalapenos and onions, made a ranch buffalo sauce and bam I was 2000 calories full.

Now I don't want to jump in on how good of a cook I am, but rather some appreciation for the quesadilla. Originating in Mexico, Mexican mothers would create these delicious snacks by simply throwing cheese inside of a tortilla then grilling to crisp. It was not until TGI Fridays and Chili's Bar and Grill put the first cheese quesadilla on the kids menu that the Quesadilla rose to its fame. You see parents would order these crispy triangles for their brat children, and then steal bites discovering what a simple yet tasty snack the chicharitos were hiding from us.

Soon after quesadillas spread to the college kids whose broke asses would make these cheese saucers after consuming a few four lokos adding to the versatility of quesadillas as a fourth meal snack. Fast forward to today where every menu consists of a variation of a quesadilla including breakfast lunch and dinner, dillas continue to please every broke cube monkey as they splash a crispy triangle into a vat of salsa while simultaneously swiping right on every chick on bumble on a Tuesday night.

Now enjoy some pictures of quesadillas I found on google made

Best place to smoke Cigarettes

Whether your a morning cig, the drunk smoker, or the occasional buy a pack because you are stressed about paying your bookie, smoking cigarettes are a necessity us millennials need to keep alive. When participating in acquiring cancer with your favorite dart, its important to do it in a lovely surrounding aesthetic.

The number one Cigarette spot to suck them down is easily the beach. Sitting in your beach chair with hoodie on consuming a nice beer or glass of wine lighting a Lindsay Lohan as the sun begins to set is the ultimate vibe. While the beach is the ultimate spot, the time is a major factor. Lighting a cigarette midday on a packed beach with kids and hot moms around is a sure fire way to label your self as white trash. But being the first one on the beach or catching that golden hour day is the perfect summer catch.

The next spot is another white person favorite, the golf course. The golf course dart is the ultimate pick me up. You just 3 putted after reaching the green in 2, light it up. You nutted a drive 270, light it the fuck up. Lighting up a smoke then setting it down in the fringe as you 60 wedge onto the green is why you play the game.

Lastly a great spot to light up the devils stick is the backyard of the house you grew up in. For some reason lighting one up here brings back memories and also extreme anxiety as you slowly realize your life is over.

Honorable Mentions: Casino floor, Post Sex minimum 3 rounds, Car Rides alone.  

When should you tell someone they suck at a sport

I fluctuate between a 6 and 8 on looks daily, above average athlete with a great sensor of humor, and master chef on a grill. But even I know when I simply suck at something. Whether its celebrating another meaningless coed kickball homerun or trying to water ski at 30 years old, we all need to realize there are some things we just cant do as well as others and our friends should tell us. 

For me it includes a friend who we will name Jeff in our weekly golf foursome. We usually get a full 18 holes as we all work sales jobs as the guys who never hit their numbers. Since it is Friday golf the scores are more relaxed but who doesn't like to win. We have been playing together for the past year and I have never seen Jeff break a 100. The rest of us are low 80 to mid 80s scores so you see why we rotate cart partners.

Is there a reasonable way to tell Jeff he sucks at golf. Like buddy you keep telling yourself to keep your head down will magically fix your 7 chips from 120 out. Its a moral dilemma as we all like the guy and he always has a new pack of 27's shorts but enough is enough.

So is it on Jeff to realize he is holding me back from shooting a 74 or do I have to Gretchen Weiner this fool.

I am now a smoothie guy and you all should be too.

The work week  morning routine of checking twitter, showering and making a shitty pot of coffee as you prepare for another day on the cube farm is pretty much autopilot for your body. Hell, I don't even make a new pot of coffee everyday I just microwave whatever is left from Monday's brew. The most important lesson I learned from college is the importance of putting something in your stomach before leaving your house for the day. But recently this all changed, say no more to watery eggs queuing you up for the 9:30 am office dumper, Fam we have moved on to smoothies.

Making a smoothie is a simple pleasure distracting you from the fact that it is only Tuesday in your miserable life and that later tonight you will be sleeping alone watching youtube highlights of the 07 Red Sox. After throwing in your ingredients and pouring your smoothie its on to the most important part and reason why we are drinking smoothie's, shoving it down everyone's throat.

Strut your ass down the cubicle farm towards the break room with your amazon prime lunchbox holding your famous hand ripped romaine lettuce and leftover chicken cutlet but please make sure your protein shaker filled with your smoothie is out and about. Drinking a smoothie is putting out that vibe towards others that Yes I have my life together and you don't.

Dont judge my Gambling Habit

All my life I knew I was destined to be a degenerate gambler. My first memories of gambling was going with my grandfather to Off Track Betting windows or the time he left me with security at Belmont Track to put in a bet while I was being attended to because my shoelace got stuck in the elevator. Next came Christmas family parties where for the life of me I could not understand why Ball State vs Louisville was so dam important to my cousins. But then college came and where I lacked in approaching a blacked out chick at the bar, I exceled in taking my friends money.

A lot of shit comes from being a degenerate. Its not all easy being a degenerate, that Monday awaiting the bookie text, or when you put the wrong bet in, or even its betting on the 12 year olds in the LLWS because the over always hits, its all part of the aura. HOWEVA what I don't need is judgement from peers and friends who flip flop about gambling. You know the ones who ask if you have any juice in the game because they want rooting interest but then later that night at a bar in conversation with others will bring up how much money you lost in a week.

If you don't gamble and I suggest never doing it, simply don't ask what plays I have that day because you want rooting interest. Either pull the trigger come swim with the sharks or sit there and miss out on the excruciating pain of a missed free throw at the end of the first half to cover the over.