Dont judge my Gambling Habit

All my life I knew I was destined to be a degenerate gambler. My first memories of gambling was going with my grandfather to Off Track Betting windows or the time he left me with security at Belmont Track to put in a bet while I was being attended to because my shoelace got stuck in the elevator. Next came Christmas family parties where for the life of me I could not understand why Ball State vs Louisville was so dam important to my cousins. But then college came and where I lacked in approaching a blacked out chick at the bar, I exceled in taking my friends money.

A lot of shit comes from being a degenerate. Its not all easy being a degenerate, that Monday awaiting the bookie text, or when you put the wrong bet in, or even its betting on the 12 year olds in the LLWS because the over always hits, its all part of the aura. HOWEVA what I don't need is judgement from peers and friends who flip flop about gambling. You know the ones who ask if you have any juice in the game because they want rooting interest but then later that night at a bar in conversation with others will bring up how much money you lost in a week.

If you don't gamble and I suggest never doing it, simply don't ask what plays I have that day because you want rooting interest. Either pull the trigger come swim with the sharks or sit there and miss out on the excruciating pain of a missed free throw at the end of the first half to cover the over.  

Reason why you will never win Bar Trivia

The midweek gathering at a bar with some friends is a pleasant, laidback nice little break in your miserable cube life. The midweek bar visit is much different than your normal weekend bar lifestyle, instead of preying  on a 5'4" girl who spent 2 hours straightening her hair with a Torrey Birch bag, you are discussing the pros and cons of having a succulent plant in your office. A nice little treat for us miserable postgrads is Bar Trivia. Now this isn't your college bar trivia where everyone is 4 pitchers of natty deep and talking over the trivia conductor. Postgrad bar trivia is a different animal reserved for only us high class assholes who can only get three questions right in jeopardy. Assembling your trivia team is a big key in the road to victory, as you strive to conquer and destroy in hopes of winning a $25 gift card to Starbucks.

Lets dive into the types of teams bar trivia brings out;

The Ringers - Typically this team is a 4-5 people being mainly guys with always one girl. At least one guy will have gorgeous mutton chops, another will be wearing Birkenstocks and their team name will be related to a comic con character involving evolution. This type of team is quiet and calculated, they never ask for a question to be repeated and they have perfected the trivia whisper when sharing answers with teammates.

Strengths - World History, Technology, Metallica
Weaknesses - Social Media, Pop Culture,

Another frequent team spotted at trivia is the married couples. Frequently just a team of 4 where both couples are less than a year into being married, and feel that bar trivia is a married thing to do. Where this team lacks in communication as separate conversations about golf and brunch plans are happening, this team will dominate in the music round and logo rounds.

Strengths - Home Cooking Shows, Travel
Weaknesses - Science, Understanding how no one wants to follow their dogs Instagram they run.

My favorite team and shockingly a team that never wins, the cougars. This team typically 3 to 4 woman will be only drinking white wine as they sip and flirt with anyone in the bar. This team will yell out answers but not have a care in winning. While this team clangs their sauvignon blanc against their 15k wedding rings, look to this team to slip out some answers you can steal.

Lastly is your pathetic team. All single people with terrible jobs who are easily persuaded to skip the gym because you want to drink, your team needs you for your knowledge of the latest rap twitter beef. Your team never wins but always finishes top 3, so like your life another disappointing Tuesday in your quest of just sailing into Friday Happy Hour.